Today I was starting my ritual of the past few years of adding something spiritual back to my daily routine. I’ve been again having memories of times that felt like a completely different life. It occurred to me that why so many of them are so difficult is because it’s the grasping at the change of existence being. When I think like this it triggers the anxiety and fear which everyone faces transitioning from this life. Before I start to see the clearer picture I feel all of that trying desperately to pull itself back into this reality from behind the veil. No matter how often I go through it, it doesn’t get any easier.
I keep finding myself balancing on that edge often. Too often I find myself trying hard not to fall off into the other side. This happens most on Mondays for me as that’s the day I work with Papa Legba. He’s the spirit of the crossroads. As he is the great communicator I found more clarity in my work since he came to me.
I thought this was strange when he first appeared to me. Flashes of symbols and manifestation of symptoms and behaviors that were never that prevalent were now like someone screaming in my face. Nevermind that I live on a crossroads, am an older man with a cane and a bag surrounded by birds and dogs. These were all to wild for the one obvious reason. I’m white. I’m so white that the sun makes me sick. Most of my family is very strong in Celtic and Norse heritage. However later that year I first started working with Papa Legba I felt a strong familiarity as I did with my native friends and family. A sense that I was there before with them. But regardless of being white my wife and I took a DNA test to see what it can tell us about ourselves on a genetic level. When I tell you I was surprised to find African dna in me. I found out somewhere in my line was Cameroon, Congo, and Bantu people.
This suddenly made sense why an African/Caribbean Loa(Lwa) was making themselves seen to me. I was more connected than I thought. I feel like often we are one when I do rituals with him. I also found my visions and other work has become stronger since I started on this path. In no way have I stopped my work with the others, but their days are less immersive. It’s more conversation than physical manifestations. Sure I get the animals bringing me messages and things. Orin’s ravens are always in my ear. The owl soars high above all else with my eyes open seeing things from far off places. But there’s something to be said with a ritual that makes you fertile been working for weeks while it’s only been an hour or so.
I find the hardest part other than the physical exhaustion is the look you get from people who say you’re totally nuts. white folks saying I’m weird and shit and black folks telling me I can’t do that because I’m white. I feel like my cousins having to carry a quotient ID. I remind them that I didn’t go looking, but this motherfucker kicked in my door and took my ass for a ride. I’ve developed a refined taste for good rum and whiskey, along with cigars and pipe tobacco. I tell them that we aren’t the skin we’re in, but the spirit inside. All our blood runs red. We all require the same things. Over time we are as one with each other as we are with our surroundings.
Today I was doing my work and when it got too close for comfort, he shut the gates. I almost fell on the other side, but I was put back on my feet and sent on my way to come back later. I felt like a child that just fell off the merry go round and was confused. I sat down and thanked him and started trying to understand what was going on. I realized that I was hit with a massive amount of souls still lost and confused about what happened. They don’t realize they’re no longer here and trying to find the others they were with. So now I’m preparing to help them move on. I will tap in and do a psychopomp and try to help who I can move on. It’s times like these though I miss my main altar. It’s just a fire pit, but it’s one I bless and designate for doing big energy work. With this past year trying to get yard work done it was dismantled and hasn’t been available. I’m hoping it will be back up next month. For now I sit building up strength to start moving energy by tomorrow.
Today I will sit and take note that everyone fears death or at least are confused by it when it happens. It’s like being born. It’s a beautiful mess and while. Orthopedic throws you in the pot, death takes us all out. It’s one more thing that all beings share. let’s now remember that and sit to work through this existence together and make it better. Because eventually we all fall off the merry go round.